How many times have you shamed yourself or made yourself feel guilty for something that you did as a mother?
Let me say first that I don’t have a judgment about what you should or shouldn’t be choosing in regards to your maternal instincts and choices. You, see, that’s the point; you get to choose. I am all about empowering you to make the choice that feels right for you.
I know that you have an internal compass within you that will guide you in the right direction for you.
I am simply here to help you uncover that compass and learn to use it as your inner navigation system.
I know firsthand how guilt and shame can keep someone stuck in their life. I went through a divorce almost eight years ago; my oldest two children were six and two at the time. I was unhappy for many years and was unable to clearly listen to my heart ( my internal compass) due to the overwhelming fear of what others would think of me and how they would react to my decision to leave. I carried many beliefs around with me at the time that told me I was a “home wrecker” and that I was “ruining my children’s lives” .
This can often come up, when you’re going through a separation or a divorce or a transition in your life. So often we get bogged down by all of those old heavy beliefs that come from our parents or come from society, and we’re not sure what to be doing about it and how to think clearly for ourselves. I think it’s so common that we can feel that way and feel really heavy when it comes to our children.
But it is not necessary to feel guilt and shame as a mother.
I encourage you to ask yourself where it’s coming from, if you are judging something you’ve done with your child, whether that be losing your temper or just being human and having a bad day and maybe saying or doing something that you don’t feel you should have done, or it could be something really big like making that decision to leave a relationship. I just encourage you to look at the root of that and to look at, does guilt or shame have a place in that? Is there a better way that you could be handling that?
So often when I am working with clients in a healing session we make the connection with the burden that their own parents put on them and they decided to take on and the guilt and shame that they are carrying around. So often our society has some collective beliefs that we as mothers are wrong for making a choice to follow our heart and do something of ourselves even if that means changing our circumstances, whether it be a marriage, relationship, career, or any situation at all. And that judgment from others can lead to fear and inaction on your part, which keeps you small.
Have you ever tried going into your heart and asking it what it wants?
I do think that, as a parent, the best service you can be doing to your child is to listen to your own heart. The best thing you can be doing for them is to go inward and listen to what feels right for you, especially if you’re a mother and you have a daughter. So often we can get worried about how they’re going to turn out or making the same mistakes as we did, and again we let fear rule the day and keep us small.
I really feel it’s important to go within yourself and do what feels right for you and that is the best example you can leave for your daughter as a woman, is to listen to your own heart.
If that means leaving a relationship, even if you’ve been in it for a really long time, that’s okay. Your daughter is going to see that you were the woman who followed her heart, that you were the person who listened to their intuition, and that’s going to then help her do the same thing. It’s going to provide a space for her to do the same thing and isn’t that what we want for our daughters and for our sons? Don’t we want them to listen to their hearts, to follow their inner guidance and not just follow what we think is right for them.
We really do want them to follow their heart and to be courageous enough to live the life that is designed and intended for them. So often when I work with parents, that guilt and shame is coming from them thinking that they need to plan their child’s life or control their child when … Really, I generally turn it around and ask them what their relationship was with their parents. There’s a lot of A-ha moments that come out of that like, “Oh, yeah, I didn’t realize that my mom and I have that relationship and so I’m just projecting that fear onto my own children.”
When we have those relationships with our own parents, the healing really begins with us. When we can heal those things within ourself, then we truly can help heal those things within our children just energetically.
When we clear something with ourselves, it helps our children, it helps our daughters not take that on, not take those beliefs on and not take those criticisms on, and it helps them just be who they are.
Really, all we need to do as parents, is just do our own healing and provide space for our children and get out of their way because they’re already amazing. They’re already amazing and beautiful. So often we think that we are really the ones that need to control everything for them when actually they already have a path laid out for them and in fact,
Energy Healing is an effective and easy tool to help us clear away guilt, shame, and many other things that are not serving us as mothers and contributors to our world. As an Energy Therapy Practitioner of several modalities I help people to let go of the harmful, receptive beliefs and patterns that are holding them back from realizing their true potential and living with greater ease, joy, and possibility.
They’ve chosen this lifetime and they’ve chosen you to be their parent and you to be their mother and you to guide them.
That includes all of the “imperfections” that you’re judging them to be. All of the things in your life and in their life that are being judged. They have chosen this, so even when I work with parents that are going through divorce and especially mothers who have a lot of heaviness around that, just trust that your child chose those set of circumstances in this lifetime. They chose that for their own soul to do some learning in that school, in that environment and in that situation. That’s part of their own learning, so the best thing you can do as their mother, as their parent, is to do your own healing.
As you do your own healing, you provide space for them to also do their own healing in time.
The next time you notice that you are blaming yourself for something and carrying guilt and shame around with you, Try this..
Go into your heart space, sit there for a moment, breathe and ask ” Where did this come from ?” ” Is it mine? ” And whether you are sure where it came from or unsure doesn’t matter. You can simply say ” Return to sender with Love and Awareness ” and feel it leave your body and energy field.
And then tell yourself that you’re doing the best you can with everything that you know, and just keep learning and listening to your heart and following your heart and your inner compass. That’s all you can do as a mother, because every situation, every day is new.
We never know what’s going to come up and it is the hardest job in the world, helping to guide little ones and helping to guide even teenagers and young adults to be the people that we know they already are.
Really, it’s about getting out of their way and doing our own work, because they already are pretty amazing. That’s the best thing we can do as mothers is just to provide space, to go inside, to stop worrying about our children and just do our own healing.
I hope that this helps you today and I hope that you have a beautiful day, and that you go inside, you listen to your heart and you take that with you. If you’d like to check out the Facebook Live version of this Click Here
Does this message resonate with you? I would love to hear from you.
Sending you lots of love