There’s a word, which I feel, is used far too often in our society.  It’s the word “Should”.

In my experience over the past 10 years of working with others in self-care and healing, I have heard this word countless times, and usually it’s with a negative connotation or outcome.  I often hear it used when someone is criticizing themselves or someone else.  Judgement.
I can remember when the word Should was a common one for me also…
” I should have gone to the gym”
” I should have done all of the things on my to-do list.”
” I should have spent more time with my children today.”
” I should have eaten better.”
And the list goes on and on.
But this is the thing.  Words are powerful.  So powerful, in fact, that they shape our reality and influence how we perceive and receive the world and our experience here. 
Each time you use the word “should” in regards to a regret, you step out of the present moment, which is the only moment there is.
The past has already happened, The future is yet to come.  The only moment that matters is RIGHT NOW.
“Should” carries a heavy energy when used to criticize your actions or that of another person. And it never helps the situation.
In fact, it keeps you stuck in the past or anxious about the future, unable to be fully present and enjoy all of the things that are going right with your life. 
Words are like energetic snowballs.  They start small at first and then with every intention and use they start to roll and gather more snow and become larger and heavier and pack more punch.  In our world, we are all connected through our words, our energy, and our intentions.
We breathe the same air and the same words.
Take the word LOVE for instance.  A powerful energetic snowball of a word.  In the case of the word LOVE, it has positive snowball power to shift, change, and heal anything in its pathway.  Its a destroyer of negativity and hate.
On the other hand, Should can pack a negative punch.  When used to criticize you or anyone else, it has the ability to cause hurt, shame, and guilt.
I’m not saying that Should is an all together bad word.  I am, however, drawing attention to it’s overuse and misuse when referring to ourselves and others and their actions.

I often say ” Stop shoulding all over yourself “ 


and it often gets a laugh or two. But I am serious when I say it.


Many times, Judgment is worse than anything you could be doing. (For more on Judgment… watch this Spirtually Fit Session)


So, how can you stop the cycle of self-criticism and judgment that ” shoulding” creates?

  • Become aware that you are using the word “should” to judge your actions or those of another.
  • Set an intention from the heart to be more kind and compassion towards yourself and others.
  • Recognize and appreciate that you did the best you could at the time with the tools you had.
  • Learn from the experience and move forward in a way that is helpful and kind.
  • Choose to use words that have more choice and possibility like “could”.  The word “could” is lighter vibrationally and leaves you feeling empowered.
  • Remember that you are a divine being who has the power to create the life you deserve and desire.  


By becoming aware of your criticism towards yourself for not having done what you thought you “should” have done when or how you thought you “should” have done it, you step into a new way of loving and caring for yourself and others.

Acknowledging how things could have been different had you made different choices is different than judging yourself for the outcome of a situation.

Right here, right now, is the only thing that matters.  And you are all that you need to be.  Simply realizing this truth is powerful enough to allow all of who you are to shine from within.


Wishing you a life full of Presence and Appreciation,

Catherine xo




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