Often on our journey of learning to love ourselves, accept ourselves and get to know ourselves more deeply, we run into challenges or conflicts with others that can serve as a school for us to learn more about ourselves, (if we choose to see it that way.)
As you may be aware I have chosen themes (or rather let them choose me) for this year and each month. February’s theme is self-love and compassion and what better way to explore this than through our relationships with others and of course ourself. In January we spoke about Homecoming and began the journey inward to the self and focussed on the body as a vehicle to listen more to your inner guidance and therefore find your true self.
My own healing journey has taught me so much about my relationship with myself and has transformed my relationships with others. I often have people coming to me and there’s disharmony in some relationship in their life. Maybe they’re leaving a marriage or there are some issues at work and they’re not sure how to navigate it with ease.
There are three common themes or challenges that I see arise in conversations with my clients on their healing journey when it comes to relationships – Misunderstanding in difference of points of view, being open or closed to learning from the situation, and placing your energy and focus on yourself and your healing first.
I often work with sensitive, intuitive women who want to speak up for themselves and sometimes have a hard time saying how they feel so they tend to hold it in. But that just builds resentment, and eventually it comes out in a way that is harmful to them and those around them. They’re not truly happy and fulfilled in their relationships because they’re not able to speak truthfully in a way that feels really empowered to them without getting into an argument.
I can absolutely relate to not loving conflict, but what I’ve found is that sometimes if we avoid conflict or avoid sharing how we feel, it can cause more issues later on.
I’ve learned how to frame things from my perspective. The first thing in creating harmony in your relationships is to always frame things from your experience because, really, that’s all you can do. If you look back to a time where you’ve had some discord in a relationship, most often it’s caused from the blame game -blaming someone else for your lack of happiness in yourself and your life situation.
When we’re using those words of you, you, you, in a conversation or discussion, that can create a lot of disharmony because we’re not really framing it from our perspective or our ” point of view”. Remember that you have a different way of seeing the world than this person, so all you can truly do is be in the seat of your true self (your soul) and frame it from your perspective. Using words like, ” when this (situation) occurs it triggers ______ within me or makes me feel _____, and this is something that I’m working on and taking responsibility for but I wanted to let you know that this situation makes ______ arise in me, and that makes it challenging because of ________, so I need that space to be able to navigate that and heal. ” This is a simple example of taking responsibility for your healing and perspective and staying grounded in who you are. You can find some words that work for you.
If you’re feeling resistant to framing it this way, that’s very common. Your ego will tell you, it’s all them, it’s not you at all, or course not, and you just need to go find someone else to hang out with. And that may be very true, but, I would encourage you to look at maybe having a conversation, if that feels right for you, and framing it from your perspective. Because that’s the seat of empowerment, that’s that third chakra sitting in your solar plexus and saying, “When this happens between us, when you exhibit this behavior, it triggers this within me.”
Then you’re taking that responsibility for your own energy. It’s like Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I would say, “Be the energy you want to see in that relationship.”
It really changes that dynamic of blaming and pushing outward into really learning and being heard, because when you frame it from your perspective, people are more willing to listen to you and to understand you.
Number two is being a student of the situation and being open to learning something regardless of who seems to be ” right : or ” wrong” . A student of life asks: “What can I learn from this situation?” “What is the lesson for me?” Because, if something triggers you that someone has said or done, that’s a place of learning for you. You’ve been triggered for a reason and now you have an opportunity to ask your internal guidance to show you, “What am I supposed to learn from this?” And be open to hearing the answer, whether it comes right away or in time. Some great lessons take time to unfold so have patience.
Relationships are simply a school to learn more about yourself, to allow you to connect more to that primary relationship with yourself. To create a space for self-love and compassion to arise.
When you can see it that way you don’t have as much attachment to what other people are doing or saying. It’s really about, “Wow, okay, this is showing up today for me and what can I learn about myself from that?”
And number three is focusing on you and what will bring you into that energy of feeling lighter. So often we get caught up in what our kids are doing, and what our husband’s doing and what everyone else is doing and we’re distracting ourselves from the primary relationship within ourselves and therefore with everything.
If you’re worried about your kids going ” down the wrong path in life”, or you’re worried about what they’re gonna do to “find a job”, or you’re worried about your spouse or what they’re doing with their health or anything at all, that’s a lot of misplaced energy. It’s draining your vital life energy that you could be using to help shift your perspective on your own life and therefore your reality.
My interesting point of view on this is ” If I’m gonna help my daughter navigate being a teenager, or my toddler navigate his life, then I need to really navigate mine. And the best thing I can do for them as a mother and a leader in my household is to focus on me, focus on what I’ve got goin’ on. ” In this way, You go to the heart of the problem and you heal the issue.
You may notice a central theme arising here of Responsibility. Because the outer world is a reflection of the inner world taking responsibility for your own energy and how you show up in the world determines how you react to and interact with others and their energy.
We all encounter resistance in the form of other people and their points of view but we can choose to learn from this and fall more in love with the truth of who we are or we can stay stuck and unconscious and continue to live in fear and separation.
These awarenesses have radically transformed my relationship with myself and others and have given rise to a new way of seeing the world less through the eyes of the victim and more through the eyes of love.
If you are seeking greater harmony in your relationship with yourself and others I have created a FREE online training for you. It’s happening on Tuesday, February 27th at 1pm EST. You can find out more info and register here
Join me next week in this space as we continue the theme of Self-Love and Compassion where we will discuss Healing Self-Criticism and finding the voice of your Inner Cheerleader.
I look forward to connecting then,
Namaste (the light in me sees the light in you)